• Darrell & Robin MacLearn

What’s Your Love Language?


The Language of Love Frequency:   Daily Reps: 1-2 Time: varies Intensity: Light/Moderate Workout: Cardio

Exercise Overview Begin by learning.  It is important to know and understand yours and your partner’s language.  Click here to take a survey  Once you know your partner’s language INTENTIONALLY do something 1-2 times each day to communicate in their language.  


For example: if your spouse’s language is physical touch, caress their cheek, rub their feet, or simply hold their hand while driving.  If their language is words of affirmation, affirm them privately and publicly.  Be creative and find new and exciting ways to communicate your love for each other.


Cardio Love and Respect are the Cardio aspects of marriage. They are the heart and lungs of the marriage granting and sustaining life. A strong heart and lungs carry the blood and breath that nourish all parts of the body. 

Deeper Dive Do you know your love language? Are you speaking your partner’s love language? Gary Chapman is the author of the book The Five Love Languages. In this book, he proposes there are five love languages or five ways people send and receive emotional love. This book has been around for many years so you may have already heard of it. If it is new to you, we encourage you to buy a copy. This is extremely valuable information that can help you strengthen and deepen your relationships. 

Everyone has a love language even if they are unaware of it. Most people have a primary language or two but it is possible to use all five. Knowing your own love language is important but in a marriage relationship, it is vital to know your spouse’s love language as well. Oftentimes, you may have a different primary love language than your partner so it becomes extra important to understand each of them. 

Darrell and I discovered this gem of a book by Dr. Chapman many years ago. Reading it helped us understand one another so much better. But like anything else, just reading it doesn’t have much power. It is only when we take it to heart and implement it into our relationship that it has the power to transform. Over the years, we have often referred to these love languages and reminded each other how important it is to speak one another’s love languages.


WORDS of AFFIRMATION

It has been said that one of our basic human needs is to feel appreciated. Words of affirmation can do just that. People like to hear that their efforts are noticed and appreciated. Those whose primary love language is words of affirmation get their love tank filled by the hearing of kind words. “I love the way your eyes sparkle in the sunlight” or “You look so handsome in that blue shirt” can make them smile. “I appreciate how hard you work to provide for our family” is music to a man’s ears whose love language is words of affirmation.


Words of affirmation is Darrell’s primary love language so I understand how important it is for him to hear certain positive messages from me. Now, I’m not talking about making things up just to satisfy his need to hear these words. I’m saying that as I become more aware of his love language, I make it a point to speak words of affirmation to him. I have thanked him for his commitment to his job and praised him for providing so well for our family over the years. He lights up when he feels appreciated and that makes me happy too. 

PHYSICAL TOUCH Most of us understand that appropriate physical touch is a common way to express emotional love. It begins in infancy. Studies show that babies who are held, snuggled, and kissed develop healthier emotionally than those who are left alone and isolated.

Physical touch is one of my primary love languages so I always appreciate it when my husband holds my hand or puts his arm around me. I especially love having my back tickled or massaged. Even a simple arm tickle gives me feelings of love toward my man. 

If your spouse’s love language is physical touch, make it a point to reach across the table at dinner to hold their hand or place your hand on their arm or leg while driving. It is so simple but carries deep meaning when done intentionally. It shows that you know what their love language is and that you care enough to speak it.


QUALITY TIME

When I say “quality time” I’m not talking about being in the same room together. Quality time means giving your undivided attention to your spouse. It will probably mean turning off the TV and actually talking to each other while looking at each other. I know, it’s a crazy concept but it really will improve your relationship. 


Quality time involves being present and focusing on your loved one rather than the beeps from your phone or computer. It’s about being intentional in your communication with your partner so that they feel you are really “with” them. Make your spouse the priority over all other distractions and watch your relationship grow closer and more intimate.

RECEIVING GIFTS

We’ve all heard of love as “the gift of love,” but for some people receiving an actual gift is their primary love language. Usually, it is less about the actual gift and more about the thought that went into the gift giving. Think about it, if you are giving someone a gift, you first have to think about them. You also have to know some things about them especially if you want to be good at gift giving. It takes time and effort to give your partner a gift and that is what makes it special. 


A person whose love language is receiving gifts enjoys knowing you were thinking of them when you were not with them. The gift doesn’t have to be expensive, in fact, it doesn’t have to cost anything because it really is more about the thought than anything else. You may be thinking, “Well, if it’s the thought that counts, then I’ll just tell them I was thinking about getting them a gift.” Wrong! If your spouse’s love language is receiving gifts in order to feel loved, then it is worth the extra effort to present them with an actual gift. 

ACTS of SERVICE Acts of service is about doing things you know your spouse would like you to do. It may be tasks around the house like cooking, cleaning, or taking care of the kids. Or it could be other things like keeping the car clean or the gas tank full or making sure the oil gets changed on time. It might be taking out the trash without being asked and knowing which day is trash day. 


For the person whose love language is acts of service, actions speak louder than words. You can talk about doing something all day long but it won’t really matter to them until you do it.


In Summary

If you want to grow in your relationship with your partner, learning about love languages is a great place to start. It is important for you to know what your love language is but more importantly, for you to know your spouse’s language so you can begin to speak it. 


Imagine if your primary love language is words of affirmation and your partner’s love language is acts of service. If you only speak your own language by speaking words of affirmation, then your spouse may be left feeling unloved. Remember, love languages is all about the ways we send and receive emotional love


Think of it this way. If you speak Spanish but you are married to someone who speaks English you would do whatever is necessary to learn their language so you can communicate effectively, right? Learning to speak your spouse’s love language is no different. Make it a priority and you will grow much closer in the process.

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