• Darrell & Robin MacLearn

Why You Have a Negative Relationship


"Where Your Focus Goes Your Energy Flows" ~Tony Robbins

Have you ever wondered why your relationship seems so negative? Why he is always a jerk? Or why she is always so critical of you? It is the power of our mind and the impact of our focus that keeps us stuck in the negative cycles.

“Where your focus goes your energy flows”


This morning I watched Rob Dial’s video about why we are always so negative. It is a great video on the power of what we water. When we water negative (weeds), negativity (weeds) grows. But when we water positivity (flowers) we have more things to be positive for.

Our thoughts lead to feelings that lead to actions and our actions always have predictable results. Check your thoughts! More marriages could be saved today if we would take lessons from Winnie the Pooh. We need to find a 'Thotful Spot' and think about how we think about our spouse.


This is a thought model we use regularly that is transforming our marriage and our life and the lives of many we work with. Think about this for a moment.


THOUGHTS: Think these thoughts all day and what are you feeling all day about your spouse and your relationship?

  • He can never pick up after himself.

  • He is such a slob.

  • He doesn’t give a crap about me, the kids or our house and all we have worked so hard for.

  • He is so freaking lazy.

  • I can’t believe he had the nerve to talk to me about the dishes in the sink.


FEELINGS: Feel these feelings all day and how do you act when he gets home?

  • Frustration

  • Anger

  • Resentment

  • Critical


ACTIONS: Act this way and what will your results be?

  • See him through a negative lens

  • Short statements

  • Argumentative actions

  • Criticism


Results: Outcomes are predictable!

  • Dying Negative Relationship


Where your focus goes your energy flows – if you want a positive growing relationship focus on the positive and watch things shift.

But you may say it is true. I am just focusing on the truth. It may be true that he is a slob and lazy and you are perfect. Well, all but the you are perfect part. I find it interesting in the work we do that when we “focus on the truth” we tend to focus on the negative truth. I have found very few relationships that don’t have an alternate positive truth somewhere blinded by the negative truth. Where Your Focus Goes Your Energy Flows!


THOUGHTS: Think these thoughts all day and what are you feeling all day about your spouse and your relationship?

  • He is so faithful to go to that job every day.

  • He works so hard for his family and all we have.

  • I am so grateful he has not let himself go but takes care of himself

  • I can’t believe that we were more important this weekend than cleaning the garage or picking this stuff up. 


FEELINGS: Feel these feelings all day and how do you act when he gets home?

  • Loved

  • Valued

  • Appreciated

  • Cared for


ACTIONS: Act this way and what will your results be?

  • See him through a positive lens

  • Loving statements

  • Fun

  • Laughter

  • Caring


Results: Outcomes are predictable!

  • A positive growing relationship where negative crap is transformed


Thoughts: Feelings: Actions: Results:

Criticism never built an eXtraOrdinary relationship. Nor does it keep the underwear in the laundry basket. Relationships are predictable


It's Just a Thought But It Could Change Your Life!

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